Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Confessions of a Serial Killer

Zombie Dexter bit the dust yesterday.

It's weird having a friend like him. He arrives and we instantly bond. We spend, literally, every moment together. He sees me at my most vulnerable and at my least ladylike. He sees everything.

Seven days later, he dies.

Without a second thought, I push a few buttons and I bring him back to life. Two hours later, he's back and in full form.

Then, somewhere between day 12 and day 14 of our relationship, he starts giving me wonky numbers. Says I'm low when I'm not. Says I'm dropping when I'm not. I have learned the signs and, after two bad numbers within a few hours, I end it.

Just like that.

No relationship therapy.

No 'let's work together to see if we can make things better' nonsense.

Two mistakes and he's tossed to the curb.

Then I pull out a fresh, new, still perfect Dexter, insert and go.

A new relationship forms. We bond, he spends the night.

A few weeks later I toss him out with the trash.

Does that make me a serial monogamist?

A serial technologist?

Or, since I'm the one who actually ends Dexter's life, a serial killer?

What goes around comes around eh Dex?

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